When tensions rise, blood boils, and pressure mounts, a defining moment occurs. In your personal and professional lives and in all relationships, it’s easy to stay breezy when the waters are calm. When a storm hits, it’s a defining moment. It’s when a balance of in-the-moment thinking coupled with “zooming out” for a larger perspective is critical.

During stressful moments, it’s critical to channel the natural physical and emotional reaction into energy that is effective and efficient. Yet, there is a huge difference between belief and action when it comes to this principle. One of the hardest things for human beings to master is using stress to their advantage. Stress isn’t a bad thing. For one, stress is a byproduct of caring about something. After all, if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be stressed. And stress is a natural reaction with a purpose. It’s designed to trigger a response that helps you deal with the problem at hand.

So, the question is, what’s an appropriate response in the heat of the moment? First of all, you must master the art of introspection. “Know thyself” and get a sense of your emotions and adrenaline on a regular basis. Keep a “stress journal” if it helps and focus on getting a sense of when the stress occurs. In the evening, think back to the moments of your day that were more negative, more stressful than others. Try and pinpoint what caused the stress. By first becoming more aware of your feelings and emotions, it’s easier to control and channel them appropriately.

When a stressful situation occurs, it’s important to first remind yourself that 99% of the time, nothing you can do in the next 10 seconds will change anything. So take 10 seconds and breathe deeply, remind yourself that you may not have control over the situation, but you have control over how you respond, and get perspective. For instance, I live in LA and when I’m going through particularly stressful moments, I like to step outside, get a breath of fresh (hahaha) air and just look around. In the calamity and around traffic and people, I gain a sense of peace. I remind myself that yes, my problems are important and deserve my attention, but in reality, I’m 1 of 6,000,000,000+. This thought doesn’t overwhelm me, it underwhelms me. It helps me realize that I’m not that important. The world will survive if I make a mistake here and there.

After taking a few seconds to breathe and gain perspective, quickly jot down:

1. the problem at hand
2. the emotions you feel (e.g. why you’re angry, why you’re scared, etc…)
3. the available resolutions
4. the people you can count on to support you, if necessary

Next, it’s important to visualize yourself trumping the situation. Let’s be honest, in every stressful situation, you won’t come out on top. Everyone on this planet can attest to that. But again, it’s not what’s outside of your span of control that matters, it’s what’s within your grasp that matters. So focus on the things you can actually affect and fight the urge to turn a blip on your life’s radar into a life-altering event. Sometimes, the moment will indeed be life-altering. But the majority of the time, it won’t. And visualizing success will help you stay focused in a positive direction.

In the heat of the moment, your response defines who you are. It defines your strength (or weakness) and it tells people in your life what you’re made of. If you want success in your personal and professional lives, it’s imperative that you rein in emotional responses and unhealthy stress and keep a positive, grounded disposition. Others around you will become stressed if they sense your stress and it will only compound the issue. There is nothing I admire more than a person who doesn’t buckle under the weights of everyday life. And you can judge a friend, lover, colleague, or boss best when they manage to show integrity, unselfishness, and patience even when things go awry. Everyone is supportive, kind, and caring when times are easy and prosperous, but few are when things go South. Be the one who who stands tall for yourself and for others even when life throws curve balls. And understand that stress will never disappear, so if you’re looking for a less stressful life, it’s not always about keeping the bad stuff out, it’s more about dealing with the bad stuff in a better way